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Traveling Like a Ratchet: The Lemony Snickets of Februaries Part 2
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Last week we talked about a series of #WhiteGirlProbs. Today, we wrap them up … so we can all move on like they never even happened. Or just keep laughing about it – whichever feels better at the time.   After weighing some terrible options, Ginger Friend and I rented a car. In order to get home after missing our flight. On account of not wanting to spend a night in an airport or pay hundreds of dollars to take a different flight. Because of logic and my chronic lack of patience. We navigated the Internet and also the airport, until finding a PIMP deal. It was one of the few times I’ve proudly stated, “Yes I’m over 25” and meant it. A shuttle ride later, we landed near the tiny dream car that would save the day. We answered the company’s questions; we wanted to drop off our vehicle […]

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Traveling Like a Ratchet: The Lemony Snickets of Februaries Part 1
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In the past few weeks, I’ve made some expensive mistakes. I dropped my iPhone and shattered it into a level of non-readability. I did some accidental trick driving in the snow, and pushed my radiator support clips* into the ground, not upright and working properly. And then I missed a flight, for the first time ever. In total, the above added up to some serious mullah (I’m not counting on purpose, so don’t ask). But they’ve also required me to live like a real ratchet-ass. Like not having a car. And carrying a phone charger 24-hours a day (outlet and car versions), to juice-up my replacement phone twice per day. I walked multiple miles to a gas station to buy lotto tickets and booze, which were then stashed in my coat. In the morning time. It did wonders for my self-esteem. Really, until the third event, I was doing pretty […]

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I Have an Announcement, and it is That I Have a New Boyfriend
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It’s true. It’s been true – for not super long, but not super short. And now I’m ready to tell you about it. So read up or don’t, just don’t ask me in person like you didn’t get this very convenient announcement. Cause, much like burgers with cheese, I won’t be having it. First things first, I know everyone is just dying to know his nickname. And I’ve decided on – drumroll please – Bo. On account of several reasons. Because he’s Southern and there was a Duke cousin named Bo. Also because he loves shooting things, with bullets and with arrows. And most obviously, because he’s my beau. Except that I hate the 90s French spelling,* even if he does speak a fair amount of French. FAQs How’d we meet? Fate/irony. What does he do? Professional badass/traveler. You decide what that means; it’s not bounty hunting. Which part of […]

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Living Life, a Little to the West
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Next week I’m going to Colorado. And I’m pretty pumped about it, obviously. Except when this posts, it will be this week – or last week. Maybe the week before last – who can keep up with my writing/posting schedule anyway? Definitely not me, for the second-most obvious statement for the day. Anyway, at some point in time I went to Colorado. To see a friend with a friend. (Who I decided was going with me and booked her ticket without confirming, which tells me she should always have a work-as-requested job.) And it’s going to be one of the best times in a while. Not only because I haven’t seen Colorado friend since the last time I accidentally ran into. But also because it means it’s a vacation, which I haven’t had since October. Basically, I’m due. Sure that means the week before will have twice as much work, […]

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Resolution Follow Up: Reuniting with Jeans
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As per my New Year’s “resolution,” I didn’t wear jeans for a solid chunk of time. That means that for a real hot minute, my legs only saw soft fabrics. Sweat pants, leggings, pajamas – really anything that didn’t come with a zipper or hidden pockets. And it was pretty great. Infinite levels of comfort. Or rather, 23.5 days of comfort – which is how long I lasted before falling back into the sweet routine of sporting denim. On the 24th day, I wore jeans. It was only for a few hours, and they weren’t even the fancy ones. But it still happened. I wanted to go on a walk on account of the nice weather, and rather than sporting jeggings with bulky shoes, I jean-ed up. And it felt glorious – even found a rogue golf ball, which was obviously due to my at-the-time outfit. Really, the jig could’ve […]

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This is My (Glorious) New Calendar
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Some days email is the worst thing to happen to me. Like on this very day that I’m writing this post – where people just cannot get enough of me. And are looking for every excuse in the world to get one of my not-so-incredible responses – even if it’s just business necessary; actually, almost all of them are. Other days, electronic correspondence is the best thing – or rather second-best thing – that’s happened in weeks. Like when JoAnn sent me a coupon code for a free customizable calendar. Yep, a free online-made calendar from a craft-supply store. No idea why, but sometimes it’s best not to ask questions when great things come along, I’ve decided. (BTW, JoAnn, thanks for the coupon – I’ll be sure to buy an extra skein of yarn (or 12) the next time I walk in. Which will probably be about 10 minutes after […]

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This One Time There Was a Dead Mouse in My Car
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If you’ve never had a dead mouse in your car – or any type of dead animal, really – consider yourself lucky. Like winning-the-lottery-of-not-dealing-with-disgusting-things and being-allowed-to-live-your-life-without-barf-inducing-side-effects lucky. For those non-winners, however, something else good will come your way. And quickly. Going through such a ridiculous, awful, sewageswigging slimball experience is too jumbo jerky to not have a counter. It just can’t. For starters, dead mouse(es) smell terrible. Like, imagine rotting meat terrible, but way worse. Then imagine that smell being blasted into your face, straight up your breathing/smelling airways. And the only option to get a little bit of scent relief is to turn off the heater (somewhat reducing the cooked meat smell), but also freezing in the process. Or, when your windows are fogging up, rolling the windows down, and freezing even more. Because that is the far better option. It’s like that, but every time you get in […]

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