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The Midwesterner Goes South
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Note: This post was originally written for a Southern magazine, which (nicely) rejected it for being too controversial. Their new topic request is your gain. The first date my now-husband ever took me on was for coffee, like an IRL cliché. At the counter, standing next to the 5’3″ scrawny girl, he told the barista his caffeine preferences: “I like my coffee how I like my women: strong and stout.” Which is just hot he got it: piping hot and without sweetener. The request was forward, and left me with few comments – which is probably what any man wants out of life: caffeine and a surefire way to keep their lady quiet. Blinded by the Southern drawl and weaponry adorned across his waist (his “belt knife”), I was too smitten to ask if that was the truth. Should I consider a tan? Would my homemade coffee need to be stronger? Those […]

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Every Day is Craft Day
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It’s true, my hobbies, in my old age, are getting kind of lame. Where I once enforced a two-beer knitting rule, now it’s an it’s-after-10-p.m. rule … or I just stop crafting because my carpal tunnel is acting up. But now the lame-ness factor is only getting worse; I’m starting in on quilts and indoor gardening projects – and I even do it on the weekends. Sometimes with accomplices, other times with Toga as my only witness. I’m getting Facebook notifications for craft-based games. I’m learning that craft-based games exist. My sewing machine has taken claim on the dining room table. And the worst part is, I actually like it. Because it’s cold and because it’s deployment, I need some things to pass the time. And when those things are productive, even better. Why Netflix when you can Netflix and make a blanket to keep you cozy for the next […]

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Read This Book With Me, EVERYONE
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Confession: I am new at being a military wife … but I am definitely not new at judging books. In fact, I haven’t finished a terrible (or somewhat annoying) book since 11th grade, and that was a book on tape that I listened to by force — when the “force” was not getting a bad grade. Every book I’ve actually finished since, however, has been amazing. That’s also why I’m oh-so-delighted to recommend The Modern Military Spouse, a super awesome book that everyone I’ve ever met should read. Unlike most military wife literature (if that’s not already a genre, it just got coined), it realizes we’re some real down-ass chicks. And we need to read some down-ass books. Like this one that outlines the ups and the downs, the hardships that non-military won’t quite understand, and the simple differences from civilian world that create absolutely massive lifestyle gaps. Who Should Read the Book? Any military […]

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My Neighborhood is Probably Haunted
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Squeak. Creaaaak. Errrrrrrr. Squeak SQUEEAAAAAK. That’s what I hear every time I step outside my front door. It’s also what I hear when the heat shuts off or anytime the house gets too quiet. It’s like the start of a horror story that never gets past its foretelling scenes – where the audience is right on the edge of their seats, only nothing happens. That’s reason number one that my neighborhood is probably haunted. For logic’s sake, we can talk about the source of the squeaking: it’s a windmill down the block that’s likely gaining more rust with all the recent rain/freezing temperatures. In the wind or anytime there’s almost a breeze, it’s telling its weathered ways. But because the structure is tall and the wind is an absolute constant – seriously it’s some type of science-defying wind tunnel; just ask all of my dead garden plants – the high-pitched […]

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Favorite Ways to Keep Warm
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It’s chilly, there’s no doubt about it. Paired with my general nature for being freezing in tall seasons, it sometimes means staying warm through creativity. Out of all of the methods there are of staying warm — without being a blanket-hoarding hermit — here are some of my favorites. Flannel Sheets Whoever invented these things must be a millionaire, or at least I hope they are. Versions that come in cheesy prints are just icing on the cake. Tea … and a Mug Warmer This handy little surface might be made for candle wax, but it’s keeping my drinks nice and toasty all the same. Slippers So cozy. So comfy. Oversized Clothes Three sizes bigger and this mannequin will be set for longterm warmth. Soup Warm, tasty, winning.

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New Years Resolution for 2016: Holding Life Together
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Last year I made a goal to not wear real pants for as long as possible. It lasted February when, after two months of stretchy materials and no pockets, I caved and put on a pair of jeans. Like a real American. This year, however, my goal is way more ambitious … and way less petty. It’s to nut up. Of course there are the universal goals like eating better and walking after long hours behind a desk. Maybe I could work on sometimes being nicer … but mostly the other thing. Because adulting is hard, and sometimes it’s really hard. And the only way to get through it is by being busy. When the alternative is whining and complaining and essentially making it worse for yourself and everyone around, why not focus your energy on the positive and create a distraction? That sounds like a better use of time, right? Besides, my Pinterest page […]

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Someone Spit Gum on My Car Five Months Ago And it’s Still There
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It was July. A hot summer day in which one was carefully about how quickly they adjusted the radio. So as to not get burned. It was also a day I worked from a fairly questionable McDonald’s. I was new to town and branching out with the locals seemed like the neighborly thing to do. Even if it meant drinking day-old iced tea and listening to the manager talk about her manicures a little too loudly. My judgments aside, however, it’s a work session that turned out pretty well. The Internet did its job by connecting me to websites, deadlines were met, and all-in-all, my to-do list got checked through. Success any way you look at it. Then I walked outside. And saw someone had spit chewed gum on my car. Orange. Which is probably some fruity computer-made flavor (I didn’t smell it to find out). Like any normal would […]

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