Like so many other wonderful reruns, I consider myself a late blooming Seinfeld fan. During its first and influential stint on primetime, I had yet to discover the term festivus or Fusilli Jerry, and I was still eating normal sized salads. But thanks to TBS and its constant whims to rehash hilarity, I consider Seinfeld to be the source of many life lessons. From the double dip to the first-and first-nexus, the show has taught me some of the more unnecessary lessons in life.
The first of which is avoiding the close talker. I’m a fan of one’s personal space and close talkers have no such boundaries. Their face is literally in your face, including any gleeking or breath issues that may occur. Thanks to the show for creating a term for this rude and unpleasant habit.
I’ve also learned I’m an anti-dentite, one who loves the phrase, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” a hater of the pop in, and perhaps even a bad breaker-upper. Brutal honesty will often prevail.
In grade school, my teachers were ribbon bullies, unbeknownst to me at the time. I once had a sever case of the jimmy leg when healing a pulled muscle. I’ve considered myself a serious two-face/hotsy totsy, hotsy notsy in questionable mirroring situations, I love me some vile weed (also known as broccoli) … and yada yada yada.
I also learned the three-day rule from watching Seinfeld episodes. The rule states, when receiving any type of card, thank you, or invitation, the appropriate amount of time in which is should be held onto is three days. Discarding after two is considered rude, while four means a person is on the verge of being too sentimental. Each time I receive a note of some kind, I display it for three solid days – the appropriate amount of time – before placing it into the recycling.
And most importantly, from Seinfeld I learned the perfect behavior for public appearances, especially those lined with salty snacks. Not only can I dance uncontrollably, thumbs pointing and jerking about, no matter my audience, I can state that the served pretzels are causing a serious amount of thirst.