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Bike Racks: Man’s Biggest Nuisance
Posted by Bethaney - Tagged , , ,

I hate bike racks. HATE them. (The ones that are placed on the back of vehicles, that is.) In the same way that a Red Sox fan would cringe at the sight of Yankee’s stadium – no matter how efficient or well maintained it may be – the sight, to them, is still inherently bad. No amount of practicality or talking-into will change their mind. Now, step away from Yankee Stadium and enter a town where hundreds of bike racks are bolted to the backs of vehicles. Gross, right?

What started this anti-obsession, I’m not sure. After all, I have no feelings against bikes or cars – but putting them together just seems beyond ridiculous. Maybe it was the design, how ugly and boxy they look – no vehicle looks attractive with black metal bars hanging awkwardly off of its hind end. (Imagine that on a person and you’ll begin to understand where I’m coming from.) Or maybe it is the idea of hypocrisy behind it that turns me away from bike racks. Approximately nine out of every 10 bike racks I see* are bike-less. Just the empty racks are hanging off of unsuspecting trunks and creating eyesores. Think of all the extra wind and fuel resistance that is causing. Ok, not much, but when the very thing that bikes were created to do is reduce pollution and save fuel, it ads up. Instead of this savior invention, only its pollution-causing case has been left behind.

More often that not, the bikes actually attached to racks are affixed to large vehicles – generally a truck or window-less van, where said bike could easily fit. These half hippies/half gas-guzzlers could have saved themselves $39.99 plus installation, and stored their two-wheelers inside.

Another reason I hate bike racks: they’re redundant. Why don’t I just drive a semi and trailer so that I can carry my car around – or in the case of bike racks – not carry my car around? Oh wait – that sounds stupid? That plan would be a waste of time, money, energy, and appeal? Now we’re on the same page.

Stop using bike racks.

Am I aware that this hatred is seen as “irrational” and “unnecessary”. Yes. But it doesn’t make the feelings any less strong. If there was an anti-Nobel Peace Prize, I would award it to whomever invented this monstrosity. If only it had never been thought up, just an almost idea that was burring among its brothers before creation.

A world without bike racks! You’re welcome, Christopher Nolan, I’ve just created the happiest movie premise of all time. Making all vehicle-mounted bike racks illegal will be payment enough.

*I have been keeping data

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