This week’s post first began as a plea to elect Coach Bill Snyder for president. How he, who taught Yoda the force, who would beat Chuck Norris in Chuck Norris Stadium, would make a far better leader than the current options. He’s polite, compliments those he beats, and has the 90s Cottonbowl windbreakers to prove it.
Dumbledore and Bill, besties
But in the midst of my explaining, “Enough with the debates, United States. How about electing a man who really knows his way around the field?” and in my further writing, “Colin ‘CleinCat, Kleisman, Optimus Klein’ Klein can be appointed as the White House’s head boy, like in Harry Potter but without magic … so as not to distract him from any trophy winning,” I became oddly superstitious. Like the Bud Light commercial where fans torture themselves with old underwear and OCD behavior. (Cue Stevie Wonder.)
During this process, my friend/blog sounding board, Dr. Cooper, suggested I write about the actual superstition instead. “Face this fear!” he said. “Show luck who’s boss; jump at your negligence; pee into the wind!”*
So to take his advice, and as the equivalent of blog knocking on wood, I picked yes. That I would face my calling-it fears.
The superstition, however, still doesn’t feel any less powerful. Clown-sized shoes are filled here. Cursing he and the Cats would be a Guinness Record faux pas. A mistake I can’t handle.
To date, I’ve never turned off a light switch an alphabet-number of times, washed my hands more than was inherently necessary, and, out of spite, I always listen to music on an odd number of volume. (Don’t even get me started as to why volumes are assigned numbers at all.) But despite this previous bout of rational behavior, I still think prefacing a football game will cause it to go horribly wrong. The minute this blog posts, Bill Snyder will likely become a KU fan and Colin Klein will break three arms. The Kansas State record will become lost in the BCS history books, and the Bill (Bill Snyder Family Stadium that is) will be struck by simultaneous El Niños and La Niñas. Each is as plausible as the others.
So why am I still writing this? Because now that the thought is in my head, not writing about it would make it happen. It’s a vicious circle, one that thankfully envelops only the sports fan section of my life.
I can’t imagine always being this nuts.
*These quotes may be fictional