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A is for Amazon, for Which I am Thankful
Posted by Bethaney - Tagged , , ,

Note: In honor of one of my favorite authors, Sue Grafton (who is not releasing a novel this holiday season), today’s blog was named after a letter. It was also her books that led me to another beloved author, Edward Gorey, whose The Gashlycrumb Tinies sparked Grafton’s alphabet murders.

 Ahh, what Thanksgiving spirit they have.

Oh Amazon, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways: Thou art kind (Why yes, I’d love to check out your daily specials.), complimentary (My review helped how many shoppers? What a flatterer you are, Zon.). And thou hast the memory of a 20-something on an entire bottle of ginkgo biloba (What’s waiting in checkout? Oh right; thanks for the head’s up.). But most importantly, thee knows mine own heart more thoroughly than any other. Pages and pages of my desires are lined up in detail – all that which were provided with ample thought and consideration.

This Amazon, is why I love thee so.

Yes, you are confusingly named after a river and allow users to sell their items with skyrocketed shipping fees. Eight dollars for a half-pound object? It better show up in an hour. And it’s true that, despite pocketing billions, you charge full price on new-release Kindle books that arguably cost you nothing. But you also provide classic versions at no cost. You sell everything, which can be shipped freely with minimal purchases. (I will always spend $25 on more things to not pay $3 for shipping.)  And you can read my mind. Absolutely I want a 12-set of Paper Mate flair point-guard porous point pens – how did you know?!

There are few others whose online-ness I fully respect (discounting my own sites, as that’s cheating), and they too remain inferior. PayPal is forever changing their fee percentages; Etsy adjusts search features without warning; and Pinterest can never remember my good member status.

And then there’s Chrome, keeper of passwords and eliminator of search windows, also created by he who brings daily doodles. BUT these happy glimmers were also spawn by he who turned Docs into “Drive,” those who made Google +, and those trying to stiff-arm me into an authorship account. (I will join never and when it’s necessary, respectively.)

No, only you, Amazon, truly understand; the competition fails to reach your standard of esteem.

…what’s that Ghostbusters and Skip Its are on sale? I’m there.

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