Steve Urkel Knows How to Travel
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Steve Urkel Knows How to Travel

On many occasions I’ve found that the childhood entertainment I spent hours enjoying weren’t exactly norms for others. While I loved Petticoat Junction sprinkled in between showings of Who’s the Boss, All in the Family, or a personal favorite, The Cosby Show, others were spending their time outside of TV Land. Now-a-days, when I make post office jokes, followed by, “Classic Sam Drucker,” it’s met with stares and/or confusion. The 40-and-over crowd, however, cackle with delight; they know it’s what all the B-Jos would have wanted.

petticoat junctionBobbi Jo, Betty Jo, and Billie Jo — not pictured, Uncle Joe

All ages can recall the character of Steve Urkel, but by way of common knowledge, not necessarily by experience. Few have yet to watch a single episode of Family Matters.

At least that’s the conclusion I came to after announcing that I wanted to travel via Urk-pad, Urkel’s transportation device.

Suitcase, Schmootcase

With the help of the Urk-Pad (which I like to think is a precursor to the iPad, and hopefully Apple’s future transporter device), the entire Winslow family traveled to Paris … for free. No one had to drop them off at O’Hare, Urkel didn’t have to bribe TSA officials to sneak through jars of Boss Sauce, and the family saved thousands on air fare.

Instead they stepped onto the transporter, Urkel fired up the U-Pad, and seconds later, they were in France. Boom, instant jet lag with none of the effort.

While I don’t exactly remember the logistics – it aired in 1997 – it’s likely the Winslows, et. all, didn’t fully take advantage of this machine. Why pack a suitcase when you can just head home and pick up a clean outfit? Sleep in your own (free) bed while you’re at it. Feed the dog, wash your hair with United Statesian shampoo, drink non-pretentious water.

When your home is 10-odd seconds away, why are these people taking the time to pack? And as cheap as Carl is, it’s a wonder he paid the hotel room – then again I don’t remember a receipt, maybe they stayed-and-ditched. It’s not like the Police Municipale could keep up with lightening.

A Plea

Urkel, wherever you may be today (besides performing a cappella on Psyche), please give the world an update on the Urk-Pad, the Expansion Machine, and any subsequent inventions. I would very much like to use them.

do the urkel game

I will did that.

In the mean time, I’ve added this to my Amazon list. Good luck to anyone who’s around when it shows up, including my mailman.


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