Of all the times I’ve been grocery shopping, I have yet to see a customer wearing an Eskimo coat. Fur covered and spanning one’s entire height, promoting body heat and inner warmth, these coats simply aren’t normal grocery store attire (yet). But considering the constant state of freeze these establishments are in, shopping coats are years away from coming into style.
Until that day, maybe shoppers prefer to freeze – after all it’s more than $500 per night to stay in an ice hotel – or maybe they know it’s questionable social conduct to bring one’s own eight-layer body coat in a store full of pocket-sized items. Either way, I bet they’re just as frost bitten as I am each time they reach for a grocery cart.
Being Cold is Miserable
Nothing makes me want to get in and the hell out faster than shopping in an ice den. No lollygagging allowed – run through the aisles, toss in what you need, and jet. Self-checkout is often necessary, and so is leaving items behind. Even those you need. Because when it’s 45 degrees and you’re dressed for the summer heat (100+), forgetfulness happens.
What’s worse is the chill-out is year round. At least during the winter I have a fat coat (which I wear the entire shopping excursion), but during the summer I have to either bring in a jacket or sprint, no matter how many children or stocking carts get in the way.
When Life Doesn’t Make Sense
Why the heck are grocery stores so dang cold? Do execs think permanent goose bumps and breathing fog makes the human body hungry? Sure there’s frozen items to be kept cold (in the freezer) and produce that needs chilled, but does that mean the entire store needs to sit on ice? Farmer’s markets take place outside every day and their produce tastes far better than the refrigerated, shelved stuff.
Surely there’s a more energy efficient to keep foods fresh. Like fridge doors or a temperature that humans can naturally function at. They’re likely paying thousands a month in energy, why not put a few solar panels on top of those football field-sized roofs? Unless Frozone has a hookup to every grocery store in the world – where he requires only a few sips of water and a paycheck for keeping temps super icy – they could stand to raise about 15 degrees.
I’m waiting, grocery stores, in my reasonably-temperatured house.