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Why I Wish I Had a Faber Diploma
Posted by Bethaney - Tagged , , ,
Why I Wish I Had a Faber Diploma

“The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.” Dean Wormer

About seven years ago, I was introduced to Animal House (thanks, Dad). It was the best movie I’d ever seen.

animal house

My BFFs

Ridiculous parties, memorable quotes, and a scenario that isn’t quite conceivable in real life; I was hooked. For those who haven’t yet lived, it’s a college-based movie based on National Lampoon’s magazine. The characters belong to a frat, Delta, in which they are complete party “animals”. There’s fish tanks, broken furniture, high levels of booze, and even higher numbers of illegal (albeit good-spirited) illegal behavior. From seducing the Dean’s wife, to citing Pig’s Knuckle, Arkansas, to not giving a what about the rules, the Deltas really knew how to have fun.

Is the movie realistic? No. Is it awe-tastic? Yes.

The Deltas did Things Like:

  • Deliver cadavers to the alumni dinner
  • Earn new levels of punishment, such as entire organization school expulsion and double secret probation
  • Host bangin’ toga parties.*
  •  Graduate college in four years with tanked GPAs; Otter even made it to med school.

 “Mr. Kroger: two Cs, two Ds, and an F. That’s a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger, you’re at the top of the Delta pledge class.”

  • Give each other awesome nicknames: Otter, Boon, D-Day, Pinto, Flounder, and Bluto.
  • Hit golf balls at the class buttholes (Neidermeyer)
  • Start world-class food fights
  • Rank 90% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, an impressive stat for a National Lampoon comedy. (Not that I’m the one ranking them rotten.) 

Follow Up Questions

  • Like Boston and of the Ozarks, I wonder what makes Faber a college and not a university. Is it an accreditation issue, or do they just choose to be called “college” purely out of name creativity, like Ginnifer Goodwin or Eriq La Salle (though in both accounts I wish they’d stuck with their given spellings … and longer haircuts).
  • How was a 13-year-old legally employed? Especially when she doesn’t report tens of dollars in stolen groceries.
  • Why did Otter root so hard for Flounder? The blimp portion of “a wimp and a blimp,” he was by far the annoying-est pledge out there.
  • Why did multiple sources call Delta “the worst house on campus” when it was clearly the best?
  • Finally and most importantly, why isn’t this establishment real? As Liz Lemon would say, “I want to go to there.” 

*The Internet tells me, “Toga, toga!” is the 82nd most recognized movie quote in the U.S.; number one is Gone with the Wind’s, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

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