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Pop Off My Life, Spammers
Posted by Bethaney - Tagged , , , ,
Pop Off My Life, Spammers

no more spam cartoonTo all the spammers out there, I’d like to issue a formal statement of distaste for what you do. The rest of us are just living our lives while you’re sending out irrelevant comments packed full of links and awkward phrasing. Maybe you aren’t even human, which actually makes me hate you less; a person has to create spam on purpose.

Either way, someone is to blame and the rest of us are tired of dealing with your crap. Come on, how gullible do you think I am? You out yourself immediately. If you’re going to spam, at least get sneaky about it.

The Giveaways

Offering to give my blog money is a dead giveaway – and if you’re that desperate to pay me for blowing your mind, just ask for my PayPal.

angry birds artworkOr the folks that jam as many positive adjectives as possible into a comment. “Hello ma’am, your wonderful, inspiring blog is exactly what I’ve needed. It’s the perfect read, one that I’ve been waiting for for long time.” Umm, yeah right. Even I know my blog isn’t life changing. And if it is, use it as an example to give better compliments.

And then there’s the complete newbs that act like they showed up on accident. Telling me they were looking for this super specific golf game website (with the URL) and then say “but this was a good stop too.” Do you think this is my first day in SEO? I’ve never once blogged about golf, so that mention ß was the first time “golf” has ever been listed here. Nothing against the sport, it’s just fact. But have fun playing your dumb online games. I hope they spam you back.

The On-the-Fencers

Sometimes I get mostly legit comments that don’t come with a name, which is unfortunate. Like when someone typed “F this” on my blog about retainers and I laughed for 10 whole minutes. (Because if you’re going to exaggerate the truth about yourself in a self-deprecating manner, offensive reactions are the absolute best.) But the name was MINE so I still had to trash it.

Next time, commenters – whether you’re human or computer – let’s step it up a notch. Time to ditch the rando responses for ones that make sense. If you can do that, I’ll post it, I swear.

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