About the time I graduated and moved back in with my parents, I started writing a book. A real David Sedaris-inspired collection of essays. But ones that didn’t necessarily relate to one another or have any cohesive theme. Which is what that one literary agent told me that one time. The accomplishment, I thought, would be a real pop-off to everyone who judged me for being a millennial. For paying my student loans with tips from scotch and waters … on account of me pouring the scotch far heavier than the water. That and they’d read my book and realize how hilarious I am.
Essentially, it seemed like a great way to profit while handing out a large supply of comeuppance.
Only it didn’t turn out that way. Four-plus years later I’m still sitting on this goldmine of a manuscript. (Goldmine, I tell you.) With only a few published essays to show for it. Sure, I stop trying altogether for months at a time, actually spending ten-times more of my efforts on paid work. But that doesn’t excuse all the people who should be contacting me on their own accord. I’m only halfway into the woodwork, so really, it shouldn’t be that hard to find me, everyone in publishing.
That’s What It’s All About
Since you asked, my “book” is themed much like this blog. Where I write whatever I want and incorporate jokes that not everyone gets. (My Mom does not.) The essays have more pointed themes, sometimes. Also they are longer. And super fun to write. But most importantly, they’ve taught me to embrace my inner Liz Lemon. Where writing is important and almost no one can be trusted if you put them in front of a camera. Except when working, I’m staying away from cheesy blasters, I’m not interested in eating any of those.
So, to whomever it may concern, go ahead and contact me ASAP. I’ll respond with a timely email and an awkward joke. Promise.