Traveling Like a Ratchet: The Lemony Snickets of Februaries Part 2
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Traveling Like a Ratchet: The Lemony Snickets of Februaries Part 2

Last week we talked about a series of #WhiteGirlProbs. Today, we wrap them up … so we can all move on like they never even happened. Or just keep laughing about it – whichever feels better at the time.


After weighing some terrible options, Ginger Friend and I rented a car. In order to get home after missing our flight. On account of not wanting to spend a night in an airport or pay hundreds of dollars to take a different flight. Because of logic and my chronic lack of patience.

rent-a-car-logo cartoon flags and carsWe navigated the Internet and also the airport, until finding a PIMP deal. It was one of the few times I’ve proudly stated, “Yes I’m over 25” and meant it. A shuttle ride later, we landed near the tiny dream car that would save the day. We answered the company’s questions; we wanted to drop off our vehicle in Kansas, at the airport, only that we forgot the airport is in Missouri, like some type of newbs. We proved our above 25-year-old-ness. We chatted with the clerk lady about our day, and how, at 8:30 am, I wished I could get down with a six-pack.

Then we were asked to wait. And to be babysat by a different clerk. Families walked by. Individuals passed. Couples, too – all with employees boasting what must have been very powerful iPads. All to get into their very own rentals. Yet we waited. We stood by while a different iPad carrier waited, not to help us, but another customer who was taking his time on account of not being there yet.

Eventually, it was our turn to be led by the iPad. By a woman who, apparently, couldn’t talk. Perhaps she was an avox and we showed no signs of understanding her mind waves. Whatever her deal, she didn’t speak; she took us to the tiniest non-smart car I’ve ever seen. And we got in and sped away as fast as the curved exits would allow.

The Latest Hitch in the Road

tiny red car with glass ceilingIn case you’re wondering how much it costs to rent a car in Denver and drive it to KCMO (that’s Kansas City, Missouri for the non-locals), it’s $131ish dollars. Plus gas. But if, along the way, you decide that’s too far out of the mapped path and that Ginger Friend is going to KC two days later anyway, during which she could get her car. And can you just drop off the rental at a different storefront instead? It will add another $218 to the bill. More than you paid in the first place. Because of the secondary location being in a different state.

So instead, we drove past where I was taking the borrowed car (not the rental, the one I took from Bo to get to Ging’s house since mine was busted*). And a few miles later we drive past home. And then 45 miles later we reached the starting point to the whole ordeal. At which Ging dropped me off. While she and her too-tall-for-our-mini-rental husband backtracked even further to swap it for her actual car. What a friend, amIright?

Follow Up Answers

  • In case you are wondering if we were rude to the car rental folks, we weren’t. Surprisingly so considering our awful day. They were just laggy and ignoring us all on their own. A fact that later caused us to gain back part of our fees for the trouble. Which is more than I can say for anyone else we dealt with that day.
  • How small was the car? My carry-on sized suitcase fit in the hatchback. Barely. Technically a four-seater (with half back doors), it would’ve served everyone better with room for two.
  • How many tanks of gas does it take to drive 607 miles in such a tiny vehicle? More than two and less than three. At $27 a pop. #winningenglish-breakfast-tea
  • Who was Bo more excited to see – me or his truck? The latter, which is also a female, apparently.
  • Did I ever get that six-pack? Nope. Opted for an English breakfast blend from Cracker Barrel instead, which I sipped by the fire and then slept for the next 12 hours.

An end that was thousands of times preferable to the day’s start.


* On account of him “technically” being the one who wrecked it. Causing me to have his truck, unused, for four days while he walked (not that far) to work and sometimes kind of far for work errands.


  • Whitney *lil' ging* Nicoletti says:

    And the worst luck goes to *drum roll please* you and said Ginger Friend. #icanteven

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