Squeak. Creaaaak. Errrrrrrr. Squeak SQUEEAAAAAK. That’s what I hear every time I step outside my front door. It’s also what I hear when the heat shuts off or anytime the house gets too quiet. It’s like the start of a horror story that never gets past its foretelling scenes – where the audience is right on the edge of their seats, only nothing happens.
That’s reason number one that my neighborhood is probably haunted.
For logic’s sake, we can talk about the source of the squeaking: it’s a windmill down the block that’s likely gaining more rust with all the recent rain/freezing temperatures. In the wind or anytime there’s almost a breeze, it’s telling its weathered ways. But because the structure is tall and the wind is an absolute constant – seriously it’s some type of science-defying wind tunnel; just ask all of my dead garden plants – the high-pitched squeals never end.
Under-Used and Over-Eeried
Reason number two for the probable haunting doesn’t so much come with evidence as it does a feeling of general creep-itude. Somewhere in the tanked housing market, it was decided that my already developed neighborhood would be canceled until further notice. In a space meant for hundreds of addresses, approximately 30 made the cut. Behind my house there are roads, street signs, water pipes, and electricity hubs, but no houses and no people (that I know of). The roads were blocked and the developer called it a day.
It’s incredibly unsettling. In the same way photos of old dilapidated shopping malls or the Disney park that just stopped opening gives the body chills. Zombieland worthy. Once I went past the signs to snoop/explore; I looked over my shoulder the whole time. My husband warned not to do it again and I agreed, letting him think it was his idea.
The pool is also closed; trees now grow through the liner. And the only reason the pond isn’t the hot mess it used to be is that a neighbor volunteered his summer nights to unpaid tree trimming.
Then there’s the flood preparedness. The infrastructure is made to withstand 20-some feet of straight rain. There are massive blocks of concrete with drains and overflow areas. Tunnels that could take on waves and relocate them to tidy pre-designated reservoirs. Does the area’s builder known something the rest of us don’t? It’s as if they started on houses, said “Whoops, this place is gonna drown,” and then peaced before shiz got too real.
I mean, maybe that’s more pre-destined for disaster than it is haunted, but it’s creepy nonetheless.
SWAT Team Training
The area is so abandoned and, umm, crime-y feeling, that it’s where local police train their SWAT Team. Which I know, not because they told me, but because I saw a hostage at gunpoint and called the county to ask WTF. Signs, apparently, had been put up … after I drove away and saw the entire thing go down.
“If there was any danger we would knock on your door and evacuate your home,” the receptionist explained. “But if this ever happens again please call; you did the right thing.” Which did little to ease my mind in that, 1) It might happen again; what if I become numb to the situation and assume it’s always fake when I see someone threatened with bullets? 2) A gun can be flagged around 50-feet behind my house, and the best they can do is a courtesy, “Hey you should probably leave”? Besides, that seems like the type of thing we should’ve been notified about – maybe a neighborhood mailbox sign, like “Hey we’ll be fake robbing the non-homes and then holding the negotiating officer via handgun. Don’t be alarmed.” It’s not like it would’ve taken many flyer copies, half the neighborhood is empty anyway (seriously, what do people know that I don’t?).
IMO, it’s a note that would have eliminated some unnecessary stress. Then again, I’m a professional communicator, not a cop. Maybe unknowing citizens is an important factor when learning tactical skills.
Other Reasons I’m Claiming Unnatural Activity
- Only sometimes do I feel like a badass; the rest of the time I’m positive something’s outside lurking, and I’m planning at how quickly I can get to the gun safe.
- Last month someone ding-dong-ditched the house and left candy at the front door. Sure there was a cheery little note, but it was after dark and no credit was given … seems like a ploy to make potential victims a little too
- It’s quiet … like something’s-going-to-jump-out-and-get-you quiet.
- Approximately 20% of houses in the neighborhood are empty or for sale; a stat that’s too high for coincidence … right?
- I watch a lot of crime-based TV, sometimes real (anything on Investigation Discovery), sometimes not (NCIS, CSI, Dexter) – basically if it’s got an acronym or a catchy tune, I’m in).
Is there actually a ghost (or wannabe delinquent) ready to strike my neighborhood? Maybe. Maybe not. But there’s certainly a good movie plot in the works, if nothing else.
Someone else can write it – you’re welcome for the million-dollar idea, guys. But not until I move.