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I Have a Lot of Hair
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In my 20-odd years, I’m grown a lot of hair. Like, tens of feet worth, probably. Maybe even hundreds. It just grows quickly. It’s also very thick; ponytails offer record-level headaches – that is, until the next trim and thin. (Believe me, balding dudes, if I could share it, I absolutely would.) With winter coming up, it’s kind of like a built-in scarf. And aside from the thousands I spend per year on hairspray and conditioner, I mostly like having it around. On top of my head that is, not so much for everywhere else it ends up. Like, everywhere; my sheets, the shower, and especially the floor. Vacuuming and sweeping calls for record amounts of clean up clean up. As in a cleaning of the devices you are using to clean. My office chair gets lint rolled every few months, calling for multiple sheets of paper. Even my car […]

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Halloween Isn’t Over, You’re Over
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Seeing as how I never wrote a Halloween post, I’m doing it now. Or maybe I wrote this three months ago and forgot about it – which seems just as plausible. Either way, this blog is about Halloween. Why? It’s a glorious holiday that deserves to be celebrated online just as much as it is IRL. In fact, it’s so glorious that I devote an entire Pandora station to its themes. And I listen to it year round, not exclusively, but whenever the ghoulish mood strikes. Here are some of the pimp-glorious songs they play. Halloween Hootenanny Sally’s Song Ghostbusters Superstition Riboflavin-flavored, Non-carbonated, Polyunsaturated Blood Honorable Mention Thriller (duh) I Put a Spell on You Weird Science The Time Warp Witch Doctor The Munsters (theme song) Love Potion Number Nine (double duh) Or you can just create your own Pandora station, the obvious choice.

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Dating is Awkward: And I Only Go for Out-of-Staters, Apparently
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In my months as a single gal, there have been a string of out-of-staters with whom I’ve made company. Men who don’t live in the same town, let alone state, but whom I’ve fraternized with anyway. (I realize “string” makes me sound like a real tramp, but just roll with it. It’s not like they got into my Kansas or felt my Manhattans.) And I’ve made a real routine out of it. Just as soon as I know they live in a different state – apparently – I start a whole bit. First I find out their job, then how old they are, how many tattoos they have, and whether or not they are full of crap. The latter may be a silent question, but it’s one I’m asking all-the-same. Just how many across-the-country Joes have they been? Three. In four months, there have been three.* And I’m not doing […]

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A List of Firsts, and Also Seconds
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[pullquote]Inspired by my friend Jess Zimlich at 26 and Not Counting, I’ve decided to compile my very own list of things to accomplish. Or rather, things I already have done in 2014. Like Jess, I’ll explain each point, but with a very EoG-y twist. And way less exercising. [/pullquote] The Intro There’s been little veiling about the life changes brought on by 2014 – new address, new office, new intern to push around and hear an endless supply of jokes from. New year, new activities. And aside from the point of impact, it’s been a real bitchin’ time. One that has caused me to go outside of my comfort zone and into a whole new realm of comforts. Most days have been groovy, neat-o, and an all around rad time. But because there is an exception to every rule, there was that one day that caused an addict-level relapse, which your […]

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People Who Throw The Most Shade
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Some days, people hate me. And almost every day, I hate them back. From the drivers who think speed limits are a number your car should never ever reach, to every mom who has ever bumped me out of her way with a stroller (nope, don’t care if you have a kid, get that stroller off my shins, please), here are the people who throw the most shade. And why I hate them for it. Siri As in the voice of the iPhone. Siri has never really done me any good and it’s time I called her out on it. In three years she’s misunderstood me, gave directions in wrong states, and told me places I’ve been multiple times didn’t even exist. Seriously, why does this “perk” even exist? It’s like the Microsoft of iPhone functions. (That nerd joke makes sense, right?) Most recently, after I dropped her in the […]

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I Went to a Paint Party, and it Was a Damn Good Time
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Note: this blog was written after it got a record number of requests (three). Keep the topics coming and I’ll keep writing them. When life gives you paint, sometimes you just have to throw it on one another. (Obviously.) And sometimes, you buy a concert ticket and get coated in paint from firefighting-sized hoses. (Less obviously.) And it’s the best thing you’ve done. Like, for a while. Sure your hair got incredibly crispy – more disgusting than it’s been since that one time you got thrown in the mud – or the time you had your tonsils taken out and were doctor-ordered not to tilt back your head for a week. And maybe the paint party was 947 degrees with zero breeze. But you were also with your friends, and at a concert. Where neon paint was being blasted around – so really, how bad could it be? The answer […]

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Shave Time: Tips for Finding your Friends at the Bar
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There’s something we need to get out of the way: I like parties. I like fun, barbecues, card games; I like dancing and boozing, snacks, finding New York’s hottest club, and I especially like my friends. Which is why, when said partying takes place – to whatever degree – I appreciate not losing them. Unfortunately, that goal has had various levels of success. Before the days of smartphones – or before the days when we were smart enough to make an actual plan – we regularly lost one another. Mostly never on purpose. But now that we are old and wiser, or at least more versed in our antics, we’ve found almost foolproof ways to keep one another in check. So that, when one of us gets lost, we can locate our missing sheep … and in half the time. To save hours of confusion the next time you and […]

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