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Someone Spit Gum on My Car Five Months Ago And it’s Still There
Posted by Bethaney - Tagged , , , ,

It was July. A hot summer day in which one was carefully about how quickly they adjusted the radio. So as to not get burned. It was also a day I worked from a fairly questionable McDonald’s. I was new to town and branching out with the locals seemed like the neighborly thing to do. Even if it meant drinking day-old iced tea and listening to the manager talk about her manicures a little too loudly. My judgments aside, however, it’s a work session that turned out pretty well. The Internet did its job by connecting me to websites, deadlines were met, and all-in-all, my to-do list got checked through. Success any way you look at it. Then I walked outside. And saw someone had spit chewed gum on my car. Orange. Which is probably some fruity computer-made flavor (I didn’t smell it to find out). Like any normal would […]

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Coffee Creamer Flavors That Need to Be Invented
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In a controversial move for a tea-based blog, today’s post will be about coffee. Or rather, coffee accessories. It’s nothing personal to my homeslice, tea, it’s just a nice change of pace to smell coffee (when it is 6 am) and feel caffeine affects that actually work. Also works as a cheat for dessert. Pour in some of these delicious creamers and you can trick yourself into thinking you’re actually getting dessert. But I’d like to offer some suggestions, coffee creamer makers. Flavors that can (and should) be made to enhance our fake sugar meals. Also, to the grocery stores, if you could go ahead and stock every single one of these, year-round, that’d be great. No skimping to make room for the same generic crap; everyone is over French vanilla. Especially when it’s fat-free. (Can I get a collective bleh?) Instead, you should be making and stocking (depending on […]

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Halloween Isn’t Over, You’re Over
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Seeing as how I never wrote a Halloween post, I’m doing it now. Or maybe I wrote this three months ago and forgot about it – which seems just as plausible. Either way, this blog is about Halloween. Why? It’s a glorious holiday that deserves to be celebrated online just as much as it is IRL. In fact, it’s so glorious that I devote an entire Pandora station to its themes. And I listen to it year round, not exclusively, but whenever the ghoulish mood strikes. Here are some of the pimp-glorious songs they play. Halloween Hootenanny Sally’s Song Ghostbusters Superstition Riboflavin-flavored, Non-carbonated, Polyunsaturated Blood Honorable Mention Thriller (duh) I Put a Spell on You Weird Science The Time Warp Witch Doctor The Munsters (theme song) Love Potion Number Nine (double duh) Or you can just create your own Pandora station, the obvious choice.

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Favorite Things: chloe + isabel Jewelry Edition
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Ladies love jewelry. It’s a fact. Maybe some women love less flashy jewelry than others – like the kinds you make out of sticks and leaves – but it’s still jewelry all the same. Which is why, when one finds a great place to shop, she does her girl-bros a solid and spreads the word. Which is exactly what this blog is. I was recently introduced to the stylish ways of chloe + isable, a jewelry shop that sells some pretty UHH-mazing stuff. And two of their shop owners were kind enough to let me try out the products for myself. After taking approximately and hour to choose my favorites (seriously couldn’t decide) and then actually wearing said favorites, the results are in – and they’re looking pretty great. Here’s What I Got: This adorbs necklace in perfect fall colors. Aside from general necklace fare (yes, it hooks together and […]

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Predicting Weather Patterns Is (Almost) Impossible Part I
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For those who’ve never been to Kansas, the best way to describe the weather is … unpredictable. Like a box of chocolates. Not the Forest Gump version where every bite is a surprise, but the modern-day box that comes with a neat little flavor map. Here, you know exactly what’s going to be in each slot. But just because you know something’s called an “artesian blend” or a “maple chew” doesn’t mean you know what it’s going to taste like. And even if you guess, it often comes off as some adjacent version. Like an artesian darker blend or maple chew-esque. There’s also random combinations of flavors in close proximity of one another – in what world are cherry cordials the closest thing to a mallow or peanut cluster? Yet they still sit side by side, because that’s where God put them. That’s pretty much Kansas weather. Actual Weather The […]

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The Biggest Issue with Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
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Since childhood, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has been one of my favorite movies. It’s full of whimsy and hosts a super weird/awesome chocolate factory – pretty much every kid’s dream. Besides, after the 11th or so plot flaw, you just kind of move past it and enjoy the show for what it is. Like Gilligan’s Island or Santa Claus – sometimes if you want to believe in something, you just have to believe. No matter how evening gowns were packed for a single day trip. Despite the willingness to move on, however, there are some things that just can’t be forgotten.* One of which, still irks me to the core. While I won’t get started on the logistics of the factory itself – how doors suddenly change size, soda can make you fly, or how gum can create food-like tastes and textures. Or how a man who puts […]

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The Weirdest Things About Christmas
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Ever year, without question, we go along with the holiday spirit. We buy the gifts, we hang the lights – the whole tinsel-covered shebang. But after years of joyous monotony, why have we never asked ourselves why the heck we sit on a fat guy’s lap? From cakes that can’t go bad*, to mildly offensive candies, here are the weirdest things about the Christmas season. Mistletoe Whoever decided people should kiss under a certain plant was a real creep. Maybe he** thought it would get him more smooches at parties. Or maybe he wanted to create a social experiment and see if people would be all, WTF, when he told them the décor’s purpose. Except no one ever did, and hundreds of years later people are still awkwardly kissing strangers. Whatever the original purpose, no thanks, everyone. Elves In the folklore that is Santa, why are elves making toys? How […]

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