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The Man Basket: Aaron Rodgers Edition
Posted by Bethaney - Tagged , , ,

It’s been a minute since our last (and first) edition of The Man Basket, for which I’m not going to apologize. Aside from me feeling like a pseudo-skeeve for creating men-focused blogs, I’ve had a hard time finding a guy worthy enough to mention. As soon as I found one who fit the bill, he’d turn out to be a Scientologist … or way too into Chubbies shorts. This time, though, I think we’ve found a solid winner. And surprisingly, another Aaron. It must be all the vowels; who knew they were so subconsciously attractive? Meet Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers, meet The Man Basket. For anyone living in a football-less hole, he’s also known as quarterback for the Green Bay Packers. Which is pretty much my favorite bay.* This hunky, dark-headed man is a powerhouse on the football field and an even bigger powerhouse when it comes to the ladies. […]

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At the Last Showing of the World Cup
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Since I am a huge fan of Harry Potter, I know the World Cup happens only every four years. Like the Olympics. But since I am not a huge fan of soccer – or even a mild fan of soccer – I was well into my 20s before realizing it wasn’t a J.K. Rowling-invented game. Turns out this thing’s been going on for years. In both muggle and wizard forms. In its most recent showing, Germany took home the title of “World’s Best Soccer Players” and Snapchat did not want me to miss out. Seriously, they sent infinite stories of people going nuts for the sport. Though to be fair, that’s also how I found out who was playing in the finals, and who subsequently won. Why? 1) I have the free version of cable – supplemented by Netflix and a Chromecast, which are two of modern day’s best inventions. […]

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Why I Wish I Had a Faber Diploma
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“The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.” Dean Wormer About seven years ago, I was introduced to Animal House (thanks, Dad). It was the best movie I’d ever seen. My BFFs Ridiculous parties, memorable quotes, and a scenario that isn’t quite conceivable in real life; I was hooked. For those who haven’t yet lived, it’s a college-based movie based on National Lampoon’s magazine. The characters belong to a frat, Delta, in which they are complete party “animals”. There’s fish tanks, broken furniture, high levels of booze, and even higher numbers of illegal (albeit good-spirited) illegal behavior. From seducing the Dean’s wife, to citing Pig’s Knuckle, Arkansas, to not giving a what about the rules, the Deltas really knew how to have fun. Is the movie realistic? No. Is it awe-tastic? Yes. The Deltas did Things Like: Deliver cadavers to the alumni […]

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I Want to be an Auctioneer
Posted by Bethaney - Tagged , ,

In my adult life, I’ve been to 3.5 auctions. Charity, estate, or the getting-rid-of-crap kind, each hosts a bit of weird nostalgia that I tend to cling to. Where else can you get dirt-cheap items that come with a backstory of their own? It’s like buying entertainment along with each thing that you already need. Two birds. (I’ve got $2 Pyrex pans, $.10 books, and a collection of retro sheets* that all tend to agree.) But the best part of the auction by far is the auctioneer, the person spitting out numbers faster than my ears can translate them. Thirty-five, twenty, forty-five, and so on, etc. There is a general flow to which numbers are said and how often, but a flow I only minimally understand. Sure you nod, yell, or gesture when it’s your turn, but I seem to think the wrong person has the bid, or the numbers […]

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Ensure-ance
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“Congrats in your upcoming birthday” was the opening line to the most threatening congratulatory letter I’ve ever received (and probably the only). It was from my insurance company and due to my turning old, they were letting me know I’d no longer be medically covered by their services. A score and three years was far too old to still be latching on, their words said. Instead, with my full time student salary, I could purchase my own minimalist plan at an affordable $250 per month. This was back before “Obamacare” had hit the shelves and reaching a certain age meant either mooching or going broke. Of course, just months later the new act would go into effect, but between my unfortunate birthing time and my mother’s place of work requiring a new fiscal year for repeat paperwork, I’d be without health coverage for the better part of a year. Despite […]

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I am bad at math
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Ever since the third grade, which is the earliest math memory I have, I have hated the idea of numbers. I was easily manipulated at the age of eight and pretty did whatever an authority figure told me. Dinner time meant I ate, while bed time meant I slept. So when my teacher, a woman I very much liked, would say “Time for math!” I didn’t argue. I contained my fear to silent panic attacks. Fridays were the worst, a day meant for “fun” math activities, which was just a tricky name for timed tests. Each time she said this, that it would be fun, I hoped it to actually be true. But every Friday was met with disappointment, then with an intense and stressful afternoon. The test problems were printed on a cardboard sheet with cutout holes to mark the answers – little cardboard pieces of hell. Each student […]

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