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Read This Book With Me, EVERYONE
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Confession: I am new at being a military wife … but I am definitely not new at judging books. In fact, I haven’t finished a terrible (or somewhat annoying) book since 11th grade, and that was a book on tape that I listened to by force — when the “force” was not getting a bad grade. Every book I’ve actually finished since, however, has been amazing. That’s also why I’m oh-so-delighted to recommend The Modern Military Spouse, a super awesome book that everyone I’ve ever met should read. Unlike most military wife literature (if that’s not already a genre, it just got coined), it realizes we’re some real down-ass chicks. And we need to read some down-ass books. Like this one that outlines the ups and the downs, the hardships that non-military won’t quite understand, and the simple differences from civilian world that create absolutely massive lifestyle gaps. Who Should Read the Book? Any military […]

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Someone Spit Gum on My Car Five Months Ago And it’s Still There
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It was July. A hot summer day in which one was carefully about how quickly they adjusted the radio. So as to not get burned. It was also a day I worked from a fairly questionable McDonald’s. I was new to town and branching out with the locals seemed like the neighborly thing to do. Even if it meant drinking day-old iced tea and listening to the manager talk about her manicures a little too loudly. My judgments aside, however, it’s a work session that turned out pretty well. The Internet did its job by connecting me to websites, deadlines were met, and all-in-all, my to-do list got checked through. Success any way you look at it. Then I walked outside. And saw someone had spit chewed gum on my car. Orange. Which is probably some fruity computer-made flavor (I didn’t smell it to find out). Like any normal would […]

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Why Don’t I Have an Advice Column?
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This week I found out one of my favorite email columnists was quitting her job. Or rather, leaving her keyboard for one that’s greener. Which just means she’s writing for something/one different now. Her name is Emily AKA Prudie, and I have been reading her column on Slate for years. It’s a setup where people write in about their strange and unusual problems – sometimes simply to complain. And she puts most of them in their place – sometimes letting writers know they’re right, other times pointing out how wrong they are. It’s an incredible form of entertainment. No, I didn’t agree with her 100% of the time, and no I’m not really over how she ignored my email asking whether or not it was ok to give a single (bigger) gift for a shower and wedding. But that doesn’t mean I wont miss her. In reading this announcement, I […]

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The Worst Part of Hunting is All of It
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The best part about having an outdoorsy husband is that they know how to do stuff. They can chop and hunt, and kill and clean, and you get to sit back and watch. (Then later, eat.) At least at all the parts that aren’t disgusting. At times it’s real manly, and I like knowing he knows how to do what I don’t. A balancing out of sorts. The worst part is they want you to like it, too. (Also gear is way expensive.) So, because they want you to be apart of something they love, like some type of jerks, they get you out of bed at 4 am, drive you to a remote location, warn you about drinking beverages because you won’t be allowed to use the restroom. And then they have you climb in a tree and sit. For hours. While only squirrels make noise and the LTE […]

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The “How We Met Story” And How I Got My New Last Name

Like any couple, my husband and I are asked – like, hundreds of times per day – how we met. People are interested. They want to know how we found each other. What circumstances in the universe that brought two strangers together. And at what point we decided it was forever – you know, the whole love story bit. All of the parts right until “happily ever after,” because after that it’s just the boring sections of life. Why else would fairytales use it as their closer? But our answer is always the same. Or rather, our separate answers are always the same. I fumble a little. While Bo, my now-husband, goes straight for the jugular. He tells them that we met online, and it was through Plenty of Fish. Because he has no fears, and I’m not as quick to admit to my semi-questionable choice in dating sites – no offense PoF, […]

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Learning to Live With Grasshopper Saturation
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It’s summertime. Which means, much like humidity, bugs are omnipresent. They’re in the house. They’re nesting in the garage. They’re completely taking over outdoors. Because it’s warm out and also because that’s just what bugs do – they bite and they bother. (Knock on wood, mosquitos have been leaving me alone which must be from all of the pickles I sometimes eat.) Most of the time, that nuisance applies to bugs as a whole. This year, however, it’s exclusively grasshoppers. The green jumpers who flail themselves without caution. They are absolutely everywhere. And while it’s true that they don’t bite, even the most innocent bug becomes a problem when they’re coating your yard. Just how dense are they? Walking brings up a cloud with each step. There are carcasses on every concrete surface, each with a live hopper atop each, mourning through creaks and bent legs. Heading across the street […]

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This Consumer Holds a Grudge/Best Buy Can Go Ahead and Die
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As I often remind anyone who will listen, I don’t shop at Wal-Mart – an anniversary that’s eight years in the making. And though that’s my most vocal boycott, it’s not the only. If someone wrongs me to a certain extent, I’m done giving them business. And that’s the end of it. I’m a Taurus, this bitch can hold a grudge. To date, that means Wal-Mart, a series of local gas stations, and that might be it. Except for Frontier, the airline that’s cheap for a reason. Those a-holes cab burn and die. The first two listings have been around since the mid-00s, which also means that for the past 7ish years, only one company has pissed me off. At least to the point of no return. So congrats to everyone on that, it’s quite the accomplishment. Especially since I’m kind of rude and expect great things out of you. […]

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