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Getting My Steps
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This morning, at 10:14 am, I have taken approximately 1,557 steps. Yesterday, I took 9,047 steps, which is about 3.75 miles, in case you are interested. I know all of those things because I got a Fitbit. It’s purple and it goes with me everywhere – everywhere dry, anyway; dishes and showers are strictly off-limits, for obvious reasons. It’s a great little device, reminding me to walk and get up and move every single hour. It also allows me how much physical activity I’ve gotten in a day, especially workdays, which mostly require sitting behind a desk. It’s a reminder to walk up stairs, to be active in general. Even though the weather isn’t 100% cooperating this week (who wants to walk in 40-degree downpours?), it’s still been a pretty good win. Sometimes I even walk living room circles, just so I can reach my 10k step goal. (It’s harder […]

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Weather Patterns that are Universally Un-Universal
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Considering I’ve lived in it my entire life, you’d think I’d be accustomed to Midwestern weather. How, no matter what the TV or Internet tells you, it’s going to be at least three climates in one day. (Probably all of the ones you didn’t dress for.) Calls for heat can mean actual cool temps and rain. And if they say it’s going to rain, it almost never does. Even when chance is 100%. That’s the way it is. You just get used to never being used to anything. Then you throw your hands up and say “That’s Kansas!” and no one thinks anything of it. Except for me who thinks everything of it. Why, after a lifetime of unpredictability am I still surprised when 101 degree forecasts turn into 89 degrees and sprinkles? Why, after decades of technological advancements, are weather stations still wrong – as a rule – about […]

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This Consumer Holds a Grudge/Best Buy Can Go Ahead and Die
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As I often remind anyone who will listen, I don’t shop at Wal-Mart – an anniversary that’s eight years in the making. And though that’s my most vocal boycott, it’s not the only. If someone wrongs me to a certain extent, I’m done giving them business. And that’s the end of it. I’m a Taurus, this bitch can hold a grudge. To date, that means Wal-Mart, a series of local gas stations, and that might be it. Except for Frontier, the airline that’s cheap for a reason. Those a-holes cab burn and die. The first two listings have been around since the mid-00s, which also means that for the past 7ish years, only one company has pissed me off. At least to the point of no return. So congrats to everyone on that, it’s quite the accomplishment. Especially since I’m kind of rude and expect great things out of you. […]

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2015, the Year of “Why Not?”
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In the world of freelance writing, unless you’re doing 10 million things at once, you feel like you’re doing nothing. Like not even one thing. So really it’s lucky that I’ve been doing so many thousands of things every single second of the last month and into this month. And I get it, you don’t want to hear how busy I am. It’s lame. I don’t want to hear how busy you are, or even how busy I should be or have been or could be if I was actually keeping up with my office paperwork. And yet here we are. Sigh. #kindofsorry So if you want to help me get less busy (so I can bless you with more blogs, like Tuesdays used to happen), here’s a list of things you can do. Come cook dinner at my house. Return all of these Amazon packages that came in weird sizes […]

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People Who Throw The Most Shade
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Some days, people hate me. And almost every day, I hate them back. From the drivers who think speed limits are a number your car should never ever reach, to every mom who has ever bumped me out of her way with a stroller (nope, don’t care if you have a kid, get that stroller off my shins, please), here are the people who throw the most shade. And why I hate them for it. Siri As in the voice of the iPhone. Siri has never really done me any good and it’s time I called her out on it. In three years she’s misunderstood me, gave directions in wrong states, and told me places I’ve been multiple times didn’t even exist. Seriously, why does this “perk” even exist? It’s like the Microsoft of iPhone functions. (That nerd joke makes sense, right?) Most recently, after I dropped her in the […]

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Pop Off My Life, Spammers
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To all the spammers out there, I’d like to issue a formal statement of distaste for what you do. The rest of us are just living our lives while you’re sending out irrelevant comments packed full of links and awkward phrasing. Maybe you aren’t even human, which actually makes me hate you less; a person has to create spam on purpose. Either way, someone is to blame and the rest of us are tired of dealing with your crap. Come on, how gullible do you think I am? You out yourself immediately. If you’re going to spam, at least get sneaky about it. The Giveaways Offering to give my blog money is a dead giveaway – and if you’re that desperate to pay me for blowing your mind, just ask for my PayPal. Or the folks that jam as many positive adjectives as possible into a comment. “Hello ma’am, your […]

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Kansas Weather is Crazy (Part II)
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Note: this post is a follow up to last week’s Predicting Weather Patterns is (Almost) Impossible. As I wrote last week, there’s something scientific about farming that links you to the weather. Like, completely. As it’s changing, when it’s changing, and what in the heck is going to happen – everything weather lives deep within the brains of these Earth-working men and women. Apparently, running a plow for a living brings on this type information, probably through telepathy. Which is why The Farmer’s Almanac is the place to go for weather forecast accuracy. Added bonus: they’re right almost all of the time – claiming 80-85%. As it’s name might suggest, the Farmers’ Almanac gives all type of farming info. But thanks to their non-discrimination, the rest of us can benefit from their deep pools of knowledge. All it takes is a simple Google search and users can know just when […]

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