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It’s My Cat’s Birthday – Toga Turns 3!
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It’s time to party like it’s 2013, ya’ll. Happy birthday to Toga! Who, as you are reading this, is most likely celebrating with a long day of naps. In different positions, in every room of the house, but always somehow still in the same spots. (Like on the stair railing, at the foot of the bed, in the downstairs corner, or on the couch by the window.) He’ll also get a birthday boy treat, like tuna or wet food – but only a little cause my idea of fun on someone else’s birthday is not cleaning up puke. Especially when booze isn’t a factor. Maybe he’ll whine and meow at my feet until I pet him, hold him, or talk to him in varying intervals until his attention needs are met. (He’s very finicky about what should be done, and when … kind of like his owner.) Or he’ll crawl […]

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Yard Protocol: What Goes When it’s Not Your Grass?
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As a life-long resident of small towns, I know what it’s like to be a neighbor. To recognize people’s names and cars, and to look out the window every time they pull in. That’s just keeping an eye on the neighborhood. Like any concerned citizen should do. Sure I’ve had music that was too loud or cat(s) who stared too much, but all-in-all, I like to think I’m not terrible at living next door. Even going as far as to wave or sweep off shared sidewalks … or at least not shove my leaves onto your section. On the flip side, however, I’ve also had some disgusting neighbors. Ones that were obnoxious, blocked in my car (or put up cinder blocks so there was only a single exit), or showed up unannounced. With or without baked goods. And ones that think their dogs are only allowed to poo on other […]

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Learning to Live With Grasshopper Saturation
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It’s summertime. Which means, much like humidity, bugs are omnipresent. They’re in the house. They’re nesting in the garage. They’re completely taking over outdoors. Because it’s warm out and also because that’s just what bugs do – they bite and they bother. (Knock on wood, mosquitos have been leaving me alone which must be from all of the pickles I sometimes eat.) Most of the time, that nuisance applies to bugs as a whole. This year, however, it’s exclusively grasshoppers. The green jumpers who flail themselves without caution. They are absolutely everywhere. And while it’s true that they don’t bite, even the most innocent bug becomes a problem when they’re coating your yard. Just how dense are they? Walking brings up a cloud with each step. There are carcasses on every concrete surface, each with a live hopper atop each, mourning through creaks and bent legs. Heading across the street […]

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Tips for Staying Un-Scorchy
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It’s hot out. Hotter than hot, actually. With the humidity levels and heat index, Mother Earth is pushing us to a literal boiling point. (Seriously, has anyone tried boiling water outside? I’m real interested.) And unless we get burned or extra dehydrated, there’s not a whole lot we can do about it. That is, without getting creative. So slather on your sunscreen, pack up a jug of seriously cold water, and try these stay-cool ideas. Netflixing Boring? No. Cool? Yes. In all senses of the word. Especially when you’re catching up on that joint Gilmore Girls/NCIS marathon you invented and wondered why no one else invented it first. Running Through the Sprinkler Who says you’re too old to enjoy this time-honored classic? Certainly not my adult neighbors who run through their own sprinkler every time they need in their garage. (By the way their yard is the exact shade of green […]

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I Might be a Tea Addict
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In the midst of my recent move (yes I moved, both addresses and towns, albeit slightly), I was forced on a tea hiatus. Where everything in the entire place was packed – except for my computer, which I am typing on right now, and also Toga, who stayed at Grandma Cork Head and Grandpa Wonk’s. It was there that he played with us uncle brother, Jasper, who is his actual litter mate, for two entire weeks. So long so that he was only mildly excited to see me upon his entrance to the new home. That is, until no one was watching and he slept two millimeters from my face for nights at a time. Anyway, the tea. It was packed up and I could not get to it. But I wanted it. I wanted to taste its deliciousness and benefit from its subtle hints of caffeine. But there were […]

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My Week in a YouTube Video
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Want to know what I did last week? Check out this video; it has all the answers. Once I stop having 12 zillion things to do, I’ll even tell you about it in more detail. Or not. Because being a newlywed is hard work, I’ve been told. So is moving. Working a full time job, being a mother to a cat who hates rules, and trying to not be completely anti-social. Be back soon, though. Promise!

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Holding Down the Fort: A Commentary on Being Home
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My boyfriend, Bo, is gone on business. And I’m trying not to be a little bitch about it. Not because I think he’s off drinking martinis or asking busty waitresses for extra olives. (Mostly because he hates olives.) But because we can’t communicate. No calls, no texting, no Skyping, or any other form of back-and-forth other than me thinking something and assuming he thought it first. (A real recipe for disaster.) Because he’s off practicing bad assery, phones aren’t allowed. His boss doesn’t care about whiney girlfriends who miss their men. It cares about results and not having to put in cell towers where they don’t belong. In the big scheme of things, it’s not that big of a deal. I can’t talk to him for a few weeks. Boo freaking hoo. But here, in the status quo, the silence seems … in slow motion. I haven’t checked my phone in hours. […]

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